I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
