i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize