The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
