I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
