the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Shame - the story of my life.
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