So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
