I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
