You just made me feel so damn special
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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