Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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