Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
