its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
