DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
