i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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