Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
