I looked at my own cervix.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
