there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
