I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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