You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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