i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
