Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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