How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
