Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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