The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
