Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
