So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
