you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
