I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
