Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
