...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
