I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
