btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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