I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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