You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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