We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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