Dual....:-)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
