in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
