Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
