Just took my morning after pill in the library
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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