Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You are a genius and a whore.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
