I CAN MOONWALK!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
