who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
