Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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