I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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