Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
