new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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