A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
