U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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