I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
