I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
