She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
