if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
