Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bring me that man meat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
