I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
