i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize