??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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