Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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