I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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