shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
