Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
