Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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