your thong is hanging out like whoa
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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