i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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