Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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