I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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