He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I cut my penus on the lid.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
