they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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