Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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