Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
