How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
