Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
