I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
