I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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