According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months