We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome