May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
